interview?

early this year I accepted the offer from *** as a contract officer in this Ministry. I was so happy and grateful for being given this opportunity. And coming this 5/1 I have interview to attend to change my post from contract to permanent. I'm so freaking nervous! I don't know why. Dah lama tak attend interview makes me restless. Nak baca apa ni? What to expect? aaaahhhh. Kalau tak nak pergi camna? hehe ;p takut dan risauuuuuuuuu

white flag

Remember my last entry a few days ago? How determine I am to not stay close with those so-called friends? but nah! I just can't. Hatiku lembik dan sangat lembut. One of them PM-ed me to inform that she's getting engage end of this month! That's what we've been wishing for all this while. I just don't have the heart to turn down her offer. well, yeah that's me. Masa tengah emo bukan main janji macam-macam. HEHE. well friends will always be friends kan? Even thought I felt unappreciated but I guess I just have to let it go. As what you said dear, it's better to keep our heart free and easy right? Thanks to you ;)) So I raise my white flag~

That's what we called friends huh?

I was born in the month of November 27 years ago. Yes I am already 27 years old now :) Since my birthday always fall on the school break or semester break so many of my friends will tend to forget my birthday. I was so upset at 1st as me myself will try so hard to remember and wish all my friends (close friends to be exact) on their birthday! be it tru phone calls, MMS, SMS, wall postings or any other means that I can think of. So when it comes to mine when I didn't receive any wishes, that's really upset me as if I was only an option to them. Isn't it so hard to wish one on their birthday? duhhh -_- I might sound a bit self-centered but I do cherish my birthday as a very special day to me! I don't expect the wishes comes from some random friends that I know from FB or whatever, I expect from the ones that really close to me! Do we suppose to remember our close friends birthday, no? Arghhh. I couldn't stand anymore. when there is no wish that's mean no celebration as well! I still can recall when I was in my uni (diploma) only once my birthday fall on during school days. That was on the second last day before my final exam on final sem! At that point of time I was hoping that they will celebrate me for the 1st time ever. Ye la tiap-tiap kali birthday diorang, kitorang celeb. But I was totally wrong man! It never cross to their minds to celebrate me. Instead they suka-suki madikan aku dengan segala benda busuk (maggi.tepung.telur.etc). sanggup tunggu sampai pukul 2-3 pagi just to do that! Oh my.... I was so disappointed T_T Aku tak kisah sangat bab kena mandi tapi at least tak boleh ke raikan SEKALI?? Kalau korang terasa tak? Setiap kali birthday diorang kita berusaha buat surprise party and all. Tapi bila tiba kat kita dah la no birthday celebration let alone a gift! dah la kalau birthday jatuh masa cuti semua lupa. Aku memang sedih. And recently on my birthday, they gathered together. Yes without me! WTF??!! That's really makes me realize where I stand in their life. I was just an option. So this time around no turning back. Aku tekad untuk tidak rapat dengan mereka lagi. Aku tau hati aku ni lama-lama lembut jugak tapi aku cuba. Cukuplah sepanjang 9 tahun berkawan aku asyik kecil hati. Ni dah takde hati dah nak kecik. Enouhg said.

p dot s : thank for for following this blog. ;))

Sometimes

I hope by looking at this picture over and over again, I'll be more grateful that I have a job! Even though am not loving it but it's still good to have one, right?

p/s : thank you for awarded me babe! and for my blog obviously you're the winner too. .:)

2 years and counting!

oh my. this blog already 2 years! i just realize about it for the past few days. 2 years in blogging really taught me so many things. i just hope more exchange thoughts and experiences among us in the future. I love this blog and the 14th of you my followers! will try to update more often. daa~

bla bla bla

i just can't believe myself. how on earth a person can hate himself/herself? well that's literally what i felt for the past few days! it started after being scolded by my mom on sat. bla bla bla, and suddenly it struck me. where is my life heading me to? my future seem bleak and grey. i promise myself to be positive but i just can't. i just hate myself for no reason. blergh. i need a positive vibes around me now.

YA ALLAH YA TUHANKU BERILAH AKU PETUNJUK KE JALAN YANG BENAR

for 13 of you!

oh noooo! my follower already hit 13! i'm immensely touched. never thought one will read this blog as i'm not update as much as i suppose to be. plus it's just my ramblings when i'm sad or down yet there are bunch of people who are so nice, still wanna follow me. TQ very much. i appreciate it.;)
i hope i'll post more often after this with a good entry. sharing with my readers my happy moments as well instead whining all the bad things. hee ;) toodles!

Eid Mubarak

salam Eid Mubarak to all & Selamat Hari Malaysia!

how's raya everyone? mine was okay. nothing more nothing less. but there's one thing that is more, i've gained more than i should! urghh. i seem can't stop munching raya cookies + rice + or any dishes made by mom. or maybe it just PMS. yes. i used to eat more when it (my menses) comes. when it comes to food i opt for more but when it comes to exercise i opt for less! that's explain clearly why i've this serious body image issue.. hmmmm. but let's put aside this never ending issue for a while. i wanna blog about other things. as my preious entry published regarding the question, yesss as expected! blerghh. it makes me sick! really. i just can't handle it anymore but can't avoid it since it came from my aunties & uncles mouth! furthermore pak ude nearly become a matchmaker! he offered me his colleague, a teacher from kedah. when he asked whether i'm interested to get to know him, i just can't answer. i don't have a heart to say yes YET! but what makes me going nuts is, my mom already started to complain today! she said what am i waiting for? why i turned down pak ude's offer, bla bla bla! omg. how can i answer that? this is definitely not 1st time me being matchmaking by others. in fact my mom had been trying to matchmake me with two guys, and obviously it dosen't work! so did my cousin. my friends and the list goes on. i just too tired for all this. i always pray for this to happen in my doa. i just hope GOD will grant this wish of mine soon ;))

question during HARI RAYA

feels like wanna quit and be a fulltime housewife. but to whom? i don't have a husband YET. i'm so sick to think about this over and over again. arghhh. this coming raya, i'm VERY sure everybody will ask the same question which i don't have the answer. wish i can answer your question but too bad its beyond my control. i better prepare a good answer for that so there will be no more question being asked later. HAHA ;p yeah i know i'm getting older but who am i to tell when am going to get married? people will say that i am too choosy or picky. but i believe in order to be choosy or picky there's must be a list to be chosen right? but taaadaaaa there's no list okay. so how come they say i am choosy? blerggghhh !!

ramblings

haven't update for quite some time. been busy with things. yeah lame excuse. *sigh*
nothing much to update just want to express my feelings~ i dunno what to do anymore. my weight seems to be increasing day by day especially my tummy. feels like i'm pregnant! OMG am so embarrassed. but what should i do? even when i did my slimming treatment i can't see the differences!! urghhhh. but still i hope during this holy month i could lose a few kg's. amin...

gemuk?

it hurts a LOT when people told you that u are gemuk! instead of saying other people gemok, why don't you use a decent word something like " hey miss u put on weight huh?''. that's probably won't hurt her feeling as much as the word gemok !! one more thing, when u gained kg, u eventually will become very sensitive over body image issues. its true. so plsssss~ plus normally the word gemok will come from skinny girl. ye la aku tau la ko kurus !! sakit hati tau tak... can u respect org lain?? betul la, the truth HURTS !!

july update

what would you do if a guy ( duda, anak 2, umur 33 ) approach you? yes u are single lady, age 27.. would you try 1st or would you just stay away from him? furthermore you got to know that he's only being divorced a few mths ago. isnt it too fast to find a replacement? btw thats how i feel now. am just blur what to do. a part of me tell me to ignore him but the other part of me just don't. the voice in my head tell me to give him a chance. but me, being me already thinking way ahead... for example if this relationship works then i have to be instant mommy to his child. gulp ! i don't think i can do that.. but after sharing this sistuation with some friends some of them give me positive responses. blerghhhh seriously i don't know....

mood swings

yeah i admit. my mood swings from here to there and back here again lately. macam puting meliung! hehe ;p i just hate whenever it crossed my mind. it makes me feel that i'm not relevant and don't belong here. seems like im just a ball that u can kick everytime u want! goshhhh. am i that irrelevant to u guys? hoooooooo!!

n today, at the beginning i think my mood going to be okay but halfway it went haywire again! somebody who is a friend of mine just turned me down! i dont ask u for a money ok? im only asking ur effort, show me ur support! isnt it so hard to do? oh pls! grrrrrr !! i dont know how long im going to behave like this. i wanna be happy go lucky girl that i used to be. but in order to back to normal i have to get rid these feelings ASAP!!

b e n c i

aku xtaw kenapa die tetibe contact aku. die kata nak tebus salah die dulu. hello!!!! tu 7 tahun lepas ok? what the heck? ape maksud semua ni?? habis terganggu emosi aku. sesungguhnya aku benci perasaan macam ni!!

nowhere to run :(

me n family have to move out from our house to.... dont know yet? it such a short notice tho. dunno where to go. can u imagine? its not that kami xde rumah.. its just the house that my mom bought dkt kg.. whereas my dad still working here. cmne plak nk blk kg kan? sumore rumah yg ade kt kl ni too small for us 1 family. flat 2 bilik je pon. tu my parents buat as investment...
so where to go now?
im definitely not at ease now. pening ok mane kami nak pergi. i dnt want to stay out of kl..
da biase dok kl. plus my treatment still on which is in TS. so kalo pndah jauh2 ssh la nk pegi. da la every weekend.

urghhhhh..
to whom it may concern.. ko xde rase kesian ke? xpe la hari ni hari kami. esok luse ko kne br tau.. ALLAH maha adil...


on the other note
it has been more than a month :( only 1 cat manage to go home.
ADIK, i miss u teribbly~

i really hate this!!

i am so sad..
rasa down sgt.. i admit.. it was wrong.. diorg semua da sabar lama agaknye smpai personally give that damn letter. but how am i supposed to live after almost 10 yrs mmg sentiasa ada KUCING di rumah??
i hate this feeling.. how i wish those cats just disappear.. it will make life so much easier.
i prefer them hilang/mati rather than me have to buang them kat mane2. its not easy ok after we treat them as our family member. BUKAN SENANG!! in fact my dad had done this last month. die buang 5cats altogether. me n my mom nangis lah.. and miracle does happen... 2 ekor kucing besar berjaya balik ke rumah ok!!

arrrgggghhhhhh!!!
cant think straight right now!!

i got it!

hye peeeps~

as what the title mention, yes i got it! i have my own car! owh no.. finally!! i am so happy.. even though its just a small car but it means a lot! viva elite-midnight blue-auto~ i love you! even i havent get a chance to drive u yet, i just hope we can get along baby! ngee~

on the other note, i was so close to get myself a boyfriend. haha ;p but it dosent work. its okay. wont give up so easily. will double my effort as i dont have so much time left. hehe ;p

new job~ cant comment about it much as i havent start doing my job yet. yeah i know it has been 2 mths. but dunno la. :((

okay thats all for now~ daa

shining 2010

i'm back!
2010 gonna be a great start for me!
i've been selected to join govt as a ptd contract (lantikan JPA)..
awesomeness~

thankful.. alhamdulillah
no words can describe my feeling..

and i lost 3 kgs~ yeah... only 5 more kg to shed.. ;)

other than that, remain the same~
daa~